Osmosis Jones VS White Blood Cell U-1146 Blog (... VS Cells at Work!)
"Through depression and many other dark low emotions, our Light dims and our immune system declines along with it. White Blood Cells are the physical Light of our body.
Colors can be used to heal, restore and to uplift"
- Jacqueline Ripstein
This match-up isn’t quite skin deep. In today's blog we will be looking deeper, seeing cells clash in some Media Mania.
The rebellious officer for Frank DeTorre and Hector Cruz, Osmosis Jones.
VS
The white neutrophil cell at work, White Blood Cell, U-1146.
Before We Start…
We have some pretty straight forward media lists for both. For Osmosis Jones we will be looking at the film, Ozzy and Drix TV show, Ozzy and Drix GBA game and even the flash game that barely has Ozzy in it and contributes absolutely nothing… ah well, at least the others are pretty cool.
For U-1146 we will be using all CaW media. This includes Cells at Work!, Cells at Work! Code: Black, Cells at Work! White Brigade (ok, that’s enough), Cells at Work! Illegal, Cells NOT at Work!, Cells at Work! Baby, Cells at Work Lady (oh God, it’s still going), Cells at Work! Bacteria, Cells at Work! NEO Bacteria! Cells at Work! Platelets (LET IT END), and Cells at Work! Friends. Yeah I'm 98% sure you didn't know there were this many spin offs. The worst part… THIS ISN'T ALL OF THEM! Along with also looking at the anime for Cells at Work! and Code: Black, there are also 3 more manga we couldn't get our hands on in English - or even at all. These are Cells at Work! Muscle, Cells at Work! Medicine, and Cells at Work! Cat. These 3 manga will not be included for the obvious reason of: we didn't have the chance to read them.
Outside of that, this battle will take place inside of a human body in which both Ozzy and U-1146 know how it operates and how it looks. The question of size will be answered later in the blog.
Not everything in this blog was done by us. Some scans were taken from Ultraguys's U-1146 Blog and doctorgecko's U-1146 Respect Thread.
On one final note from me (Tru). Hey y'all, 2nd time blog maker here. I would like to let you know for this blog I did a good chunk of the calculations. Now while I did have supervision from people who have done more calcs for longer, this was overall my first time doing calculations. While the calcs should be accurate if there are any mistakes I would like to sincerely apologize in advance.
Background
Osmosis Jones
Frank DeTorre was a man living a humble, incredibly unhealthy life. Overeating and lack of even the most basic hygiene practices were getting the best of him. This was not without reason however, as Frank was pulled into a complete downward spiral after the death of his wife.
Things got even worse when he ate an egg that had been in a monkey's mouth, even before that fell on the dirty zoo ground. Ew… just, ew. This brought the Red Death known as Thrax into his body. Thrax had already been raising his body count, and he planned to kill Frank in 48 hours to get his name written down alongside the likes of the Black Plague and the White Death - this seemed easy enough for one as experienced and deadly as him. At this point, who could really stop him?
Enter Osmosis Jones, a White Blood Cell police officer for Frank like earlier members of his family. Despite being an officer of the law, Ozzy wasn't in the highest position being left on mouth duty. But when trouble was afoot he and his new partner, Drix (a pill that had been freshly swallowed by Frank), were dispatched to deal with some inflammation in the throat. This also may have been their one chance for Ozzy to redeem himself after he blew up a nerve receptor and caused Frank to puke on a teacher even longer before that. Eventually, Osmosis Jones was able to make up for it as he along with Drix tracked down Thrax, defeated him, and saved Frank's life.
This wouldn't last long however, as seen in the spin off show Ozzy and Drix. In the show, Frank had slipped back to his old self. All of his progress had been erased. Luckily for Ozzy he was taken away by a mosquito into the body of Hector Cruz - a young boy who could still use the extra help from a blood cell who's been around. And with this, Osmosis Jones, Drix, and the HPD (Hector Police Department) would work together throughout the show to keep Hector happy and healthy, like a good blood cell should.
… why are all these bodies run by “mayors” who are either corrupt or literal children? Why are there politics in my immune system? Blegh.
U-1146
Did you know that there are 37.2 trillion cells inside your body? Every one of them serves one unique purpose in order to ensure you live a happy healthy life.
In the world of Cells At Work!, a group of White Blood Cells in the Neutrophil Division are defending your body from bacteria, germs, and other antigens. And someone out there was lucky enough to get blessed with White Blood Cell, U-1146.
As a young myelocyte, U-1146 was already a selfless protector. Despite being incredibly young, U-1146 was able to save Red Blood Cell from a bacteria by holding it off until it was defeated by backup. From here, U-1146 trained to become a member of the Neutrophil Division and became a White Blood Cell meant to protect the body from any outside threats.
U-1146 is an incredibly kind and caring member of his team despite his cold exterior. However, this is an attitude saved for his friends and his friends alone. At the sight of any foreign substance planning to harm the body U-1146 will go into a violent frenzy until his job is done. From the common cold, to the ever-evolving flu, to the deadliest cancer - no disease survives contact with U-1146. Because he is a Cell at Work (mic drop), and he will continue to work till he or his host breathes their last dying breath.
Arsenal
Osmosis Jones
Gun
Ozzy has a gun that he uses to blast germs and diseases. The gun is most likely loaded with gastric acid as is standard for the HPD. However, Ozzy’s gun is a little more unique, sporting three separate types of shots: normal, concussive blasts, green globs to restrict foes, and acidic shots that can also be fired as an energy beam. It can even fire back things shot into it. Sadly, it does have an ammo limit and requires ammo pickups to reload.
Car
Osmosis Jones’ main mode of transportation. It's an incredibly malleable car with a built-in sentient navigation AI called Backseat. Backseat isn't shown to do much, but it could lock in on Drix’s location.
Jet Scooter
When Ozzy was sent into the body of Christina, he ended up taking a souvenir - one sweet-as-hell Jet Scooter. It's a massive upgrade from his car as it comes equipped with a built in laser gun, as well as the ability to fly. It can fly fast enough to bust through ceilings.
Binoculars
While binoculars aren't some revolutionary battle item, Ozzy has a special pair that can give him data about the health of his host along with regular binocular functions.
Healing Vials
Scattered around the Ozzy and Drix GBA game are small and large vials that heal Ozzy, although he doesn’t carry them around and would need to find them.
White Blood Cell
Knives
U-1146 has two types of knives he uses - the first being his classic combat knives. He has 6 of them around his hip at any given moment, primed and ready for murder. White Blood Cells are also equipped with throwing knives which are used less often.
Sword
When presenting for a Microphage's class, U-1146 used a sword. Whether it is real or not is unknown, but you can’t say it doesn’t look cool
Katanas
In one of the spin offs, Cells at Work! Code: Black, White Blood Cells can use Katanas. Seeing as the White Blood Cells of Code: Black should have a similar arsenal to the ones of the main Cells at Work! body, U-1146 could in theory use them as well.
Chainsaw
In the spinoff Cells at Work! Friends, we see a White Blood Cell wield a chainsaw which U-1146 likely could wield as well.
Receptor
An adjustable radar that helps U-1146 track down Bacteria. However, it has been described as "clunky" and cannot tell the exact location of the antigen.
L-Selectin Adhesion Molecule
This piece of the Neutrophil uniform allows U-1146 to stick to walls, floors (even when gravity is removed), ceilings, and even sleep in marginating pools. It is activated by a switch on the Neutrophil’s belt.
Grapple Cable
A cable that comes from the back of the White Blood Cell uniform to hold them up while descending.
Hydrolysing Enzyme Spray
U-1146 eats germs - however, certain parts of a germ can't be eaten. To dispose of the germ, Neutrophils will use a Hydrolysing Enzyme Spray to dissolve what they can't eat.
Riot Shields
White Blood Cells are shown to be able to carry around riot shields to surround antigens.
RPGs and Guns
In one of the spin offs, Cells at Work: Code Black, other White Blood Cells possessed RPGs and automatic rifles reserved for dire situations. In theory, U-1146 should have access to the same arsenal due to Neutrophil units being mostly the same and should not change much between bodies.
Vampire Costume
HAHA JONATHAN YOU ARE BANGING MY DAUGHTER!
Abilities
Osmosis Jones
White Blood Cell (not his opponent) Physiology
As a White Blood Cell, Ozzy's body is extremely malleable - allowing him to shift and shape it to his will. He can squash and stretch with ease along with changing his shape to disguise himself, shape his body into different objects, fit through tight spaces (sometimes as small as a crack, peephole or flesh wall), turn into liquid, become a rope, act like a glider, or dodge attacks.
Regeneration
Due to his physiology, Ozzy can split his body apart. After doing a move like this Ozzy is able to completely put himself back together with minimal issue (this shown in the show as well).
Duplication
Ozzy's body is able to undergo mitosis, allowing him to split into a separate being. While the mitosis version turned out to be an evil 4 armed villain this does seem to only be due to how he would have been removed from the body if the original Ozzy wasn't gone. This could mean Ozzy may be able to reason with a clone, especially if a foe was going to try to kill both of them.
This is all assuming he can do it on command and that it would happen mid fight. However, based on how the episode treated it as a natural process complete with symptoms, this doesn't seem to be the case.
White Blood Cell
Phagocytosis
U-1146 is able to pull a Denji and eat Bacteria. This allows him to gain information or even kill bacteria by breaking them down.
Transmigration
U-1146 can move through the cell walls of his host with ease. He can open up the cell walls and squeeze through them, giving him free movement throughout the host. A White Blood Cell’s migration can even allow them to go through floors and phase through solid objects.
Extra Senses
U-1146 is like most anime protagonists and can sense others' aura.
Regeneration
It is implied that White Blood Cells can regenerate (though based on Chapter 27 of the manga, a White Blood Cell’s regeneration can be overtaxing and slow).
Duplication
Cells have to come from somewhere. That somewhere is Mitosis. After completing the Cell Cycle, White Blood Cells will create a clone of themselves. Unfortunately, this is not very combat applicable as the Cell Cycle takes a lot of time.
4th Wall Awareness
As shown in the bonus stories of Cells At Work White Brigade, U-1146 knows which volume of the manga he is in. This is not dissimilar from how a bacterium could recall exactly which chapter his brother was killed in or when a bacteria wrote a letter to Epidermidis asking why they weren't on the cover of a volume.
Stats
Osmosis Jones
Feats
Became a cop for the city of Frank and the HPD
Beat Thrax and saved Frank's life
Saved Mayor Spryman from Strepfinger and other villains (despite how much of a shit he is)
Stopped many different bacteria, germs and viruses from harming Frank and Hector
Attack Potency
Went even with his clone, in which the two launched each other around during their fight
Ozzy's gun should be similar in power to other guns, which can make holes in germs
His gun could also destroy a nerve receptor
Broke through the weakened restraints pinning him to the wall
Physically outmatched a germ who was capable of cracking open a wall
Ozzy should downscale Drix, who can punch through Hector's hair roots
Durability
Took the force of a sneeze while in the nose (0.0145037738% of a Joule)
Sources such as this one state sneezing produces about 1 PSI
A group of germs can also survive being shot out as sneeze droplets (6%-50% of a Joule)
Survived being crushed by a leg cramp that toppled a whole city (0.00001104443618967% of a Joule)
Was hit by a wave from Aunti Histamines's exploding pack, which had sucked up all of Mucus Beach and more (0.00000000568181452908% of a Joule)
Scales to Thrax who survived an explosion capable of popping a zit (15.81% of a Joule)
Ozzy and Drix were also both hit by the explosion in which Drix shielded Ozzy.
Speed
Dodges attacks from Thrax (as seen above)
Ran across an eyelash before it could finish falling off Frank’s face
Reacted to Hector attempting to scratch his scalp
Ran fast across a group of rocks to catch a girl before a wave could hit her (0.0000562969 M/S)
Reacted to beams from the Pneumoniac and Chief Maximus
U-1146
Feats
Became a member of the Neutrophil unit
Helps defend his host from all manners of germs and bacteria
Saved many other cells at work including a Red Blood Cell
Made friends along the way (and that’s what really matters)
Attack Potency
One shot this germ (which is pretty much the only kind of AP feats he performs)
Later in the chapter U-1146 one shot a group of Staphylococcus
Another White Blood Cell caused a small explosion while fighting Mumps
Kills a germ so hard its “blood” shoots out like a geyser which can be seen from afar.
One shot and took on Pneumococcus, who can cause a large explosion (2.79% of a Joule)
Durability
Can survive attacks from and fights on par with Killer T Cell, who was able to break off chunks of a wall
Killer T could also destroy a large amount of ground with a single punch
Another Killer T survived a building wide explosion
Took hits from the Ache King which can cause large amounts of damage to a wall
He was also took a bite from by smaller Acne
Throughout Cells at Work! U-1146 consistently goes against groups of Staphylococcus who can destroy a large portion of the ground (0.60038073696000006821% of a Joule)
Can take hits from Cancer Cell, who could quickly envelope a building
Scales above Red Blood Cells who…
Staphylococcus Aureus and E. Coli can survive a decent sized explosion
Speed
As a child, U-1146 could exit a vent and catch an attack from a Staphylococcus Aureus before it landed
He also parries attacks from Staphylococcus along with multiple other White Blood Cells (0.0000763483 M/S)
Other White Blood Cells can dodge netting from a Staphylococcus
Red Blood Cells are implied to go through the body at the same rate as they do in real life. (0.3-0.9144 M/S)
Multiple Influenza same could run fast enough to create a Tornado
As a child, Killer T dodged a beam from B Cell
Experience/Skill/IQ/Other
Osmosis Jones
Ozzy has been in the game for a long time. He's been with multiple human hosts and has fought off all sorts of bacterial threats between Frank DeTorre and Hector Cruz. He is a fully trained police officer and a private eye, excelling at detective work in particular and getting to the bottom of the issues occurring within the body. He also is very knowledgeable on systems within the body and how they operate, allowing Ozzy to take advantage of them to get the upper hand - like when he caused Hector to sneeze to get rid of a virus. When it comes to skill Ozzy isn't a crack shot with his gun but he can occasionally hit a vital shot, such as ricocheting a shot off of a signpost. Ozzy is also very good in CQC, using a flurry of punches and kicks to take down foes alongside dodging and blocking enemy attacks (partially helped by his physiology).
U-1146
U-1146 is incredibly skilled in combat with the experience to match. He has been fighting threats to his host’s health ever since both he and the host were a babies (as shown in Cells at Work! Baby) and has trained in the Neutrophil division since he was young. He's taken on a variety of crazy germs, bacteria and viruses in all parts of body. He can take out foes quickly, silently (If he desires) and efficiently. He's also regarded as one of the best members of the Neutrophil unit (as shown by this whole chapter). Even with his incredible skill, a lot of the time U-1146 is shown acting more as a support than a full on fighter. Despite his lust for the murder of germs he knows when to step back and help Killer T, NK, and of course, Red Blood Cell perform their bodily functions.
Weaknesses
Osmosis Jones
Ozzy has a huge ego that can cloud his judgment and get him into sticky situations. He can be easily killed by processes inside the body if he is not careful (here is an example). Ozzy isn't safe outside the body either as he may coagulate if he is outside the body for too long, resulting in his death. He can also dry up in dry conditions and is implied to be quickly dissolved in high amounts of stomach acid. He also may just have the worst accuracy in fictional history (yes, worse than Stormtroopers and the girl from Mars of Destruction). His awful aim is not helped by the GBA game which shows that Ozzy's gun has an ammo limit before it runs out and Ozzy needs to find more ammo (though the GBA game does show Ozzy with better aim and he can refuel his ammo if he finds more).
U-1146
The weaknesses of U-1146 are very easy to understand. He cares a lot for the safety of other cells - maybe too much for his own good. This has caused them to act in their best interest over taking out an antigen. When he does get his opening however, he tends to tunnel vision on the germ in front of him as he goes in for a kill at close range. He also can be killed by certain bodily processes (here is an example) caused by germs and other bad conditions outside of the body. Leaving the body is also likely bad for U-1146 based on how it was described.
Before We Decide…
Aren't Both Below Average Human Level?
Short answer, yes - both are below average human level in all stats. This is obviously due to both being extremely small. For example, Osmosis Jones is shown to be small in comparison to hairs and eyelashes. While sizes are likely really hard to pin down for Ozzy as his size would likely change depending on what he's compared to, we can just use what his size would likely be as a White Blood Cell, which is 12-15 Micrometers.
For U-1146, luckily he has a canon size and it matches up with real life White Blood Cells at 10-15 micrometers.
Osmosis Jones's Arsenal?
Between the original movie and Ozzy and Drix cartoon, Osmosis Jones is shown holding a variety of items. However, a lot of these items were not used in the blog for 1 of 3 reasons:
The item doesn't belong to Ozzy. These include the Ice Grenade seen in the movie, as well as the adrenaline and energy pills. All of these items belong to either Drix or the Mole and these items would not be standard to him.
The item is used once. In Ozzy and Drix this is a problem with Agent G’s Watch (which he picks up but is likely to not use due to it not going well for him ), his clone's bubble gun, and a grappling hook. These are already shakey to use due to their lack of use but the nail in the coffin for them is the Jet Scooter. The Jet Scooter wasn't a constant item for Ozzy when the show first started but when he used it in Season 2 of Ozzy and Drix it became a recurring item. This shows that pieces of arsenal the writers want Ozzy to use will show up more than once unlike the examples listed above.
The item requires Ozzy to be in a specific part of the body. This applies to tools such as the cortex controlling device and Mayor Spryman’s muscle controller. These two items require Ozzy to be in either the Cortex or Mayor Sprymans office and using these items would require the host of the battle to be Hector (which for the blog it is not) or the host to run on the same biological logic as Hector which is not likely. Ozzy would also need to go to a specific part of the body for these items to work and these two devices are shown to not affect the blood cells inside the body much during use, if at all.
Small note, there's also a piece of arsenal we left out for U-1146 being the immunoglobulin G cannon shown in Cells at Work! Baby. This is because it requires a lot of set up, multiple White Blood Cells, and doesn't seem to be something U-1146 could just bring to the battlefield unlike simply grabbing a riot shield or RPG.
Other Hosts Scaling
U-1146, despite being the focus of the primary Cells At Work series, is still an ordinary White Blood Cell. As such, he should reasonably be able to scale to the feats White Blood Cells from other Hosts are capable of and scale to themselves from the bacteria they fight.
Cells at Work! Code: Black
A White Blood Cell could slash a bunch and blitz the reactions of bacteria (0.222468 M/S)
Killer T splits the ground in half
White Blood Cell tanks an attack from Cancer.
White Blood Cell is crushed by an electric toothbrush and survives, although she is left in critical condition
White and Red blood cell are hit with a large amount of water while the host gargles.
Staphylococcus survived being squashed by a finger
Bacteria At Work! Host
White Blood Cells are capable of killing Clostridium Perfringens
C Perfringens are able to resist bowel movements and survive a train of feces exploding (0.000000001184332663% of a Joule-65.235443935199995735 Joules) [See Before Verdict]
Some C Perfringens are able to react to and track fecal trains from sped-up bowel movements
C Perfringens can catch antibiotic arrows out of the air and dodge them
The gas from C Perfringens is able to crumble buildings in Good Bacteria cities (as White Blood Cells are also capable of killing C Perfringens, they would also have to be directly capable of surviving their gas)
Able to dodge acetic acid beams from Bifidum
C Perfringens are fast enough to intercept an antibiotic arrow mid-flight from a fair distance away (1.74-2.39 M/S)
C Perfringens are able to survive this flood from a stool (which lodged the intestines and makes defecation impossible) being softened and becoming dislodged
White Blood Cells are scalable to Killer T cells who are able to kill the Norovirus, which Bifidum were unable to take down. White Blood Cells should also be able to scale to Bifidum via being able to kill Clostridium Perfringens
Bifidum can fire blasts powerful enough to destroy the gate causing an anal blockage (0.098035433703999998005% of a Joule-2.835 Joules) [See Before Verdict]
Bifidum are able to survive the gas of C Perfringens
Fully fed Bifidum are able to burst the ropes tying them through brute strength
Bifidum can survive this flood
White Blood Cells can fight and kill Staphylococcus Aureus
S Aureus can survive a pus explosion from a sty condition while on the verge of death (it is also implied that some White Blood Cells survived this as well)
S Aureus (as well as White Blood Cells) are able to survive the Host scratching her skin while they’re on it - child S Aureus are even able to grab the finger while it’s happening
S Aureus are capable of popping blisters formed from impetigo by jumping and surviving the aftermath (1.45037738% of a Joule)
S Aureus are able to survive a forceful pus removal from a paronychia infection
S Aureus can survive being on the chapstick a host is rubbing against her lips
Through scaling to S Aureus, White Blood Cells should also scale to Staphylococcus Epidermidis who constantly fight S Aureus
S Epidermidis are able to survive a tsunami of antiseptic liquid while weakened by the condition of the skin, capable of wiping out most of their settlement
White Blood Cells are capable of killing Trichophyton Fungi
Trichophyton Fungi are able to survive the Host taking a shower (0.000006225025% of a Joule)
White Blood Cells are able to kill Streptococcus Pyogenes
S Pyogenes are implied to be able to survive the host sneezing and hitch a ride on the Host’s resulting spit (6%-50% of a Joule)
Neo Bacteria At Work! Host
White Blood Cells scale to Bifidum
Some Bifidum are able to dodge a flood of diarrhea
Bifidum are shown to be able to resist being expelled by diarrhea as well as survive being hit by the fecal train resulting from diarrhea (22% of a Joule)
Real Life Equivalency
This section is here to explain some of the calls and thought processes we had while doing calculations for this blog. A lot of this blog’s calculations were made using a lot of outside information and making assumptions not shown in the media of Osmosis Jones or Cells At Work! Some quick examples would be:
Hectors nose making 1.5 liters of mucus
Sneeze droplet power
Diarrhea strength
A bunch of sizes within the blog
To make it brief, this blog has used real life information to fuel a lot of calculations. For most feats this is likely fine - like the power behind a shower or sneezing as it's just adding context for feats and making it easier for us to calculate. This would also line up with the goals of both Osmosis Jones and Cells at Work! to portray bodily processes in a fun and exaggerated way. However, this could - and has - led to some interesting results.
This becomes especially apparent with the sizes of… the anus and the fecal train… yep. Basically, bacteria is measured in microns - which is an incredibly small unit of measurement, which makes sense since these are single cells. However, when putting these bacteria next to poop or an anus, measuring the size of any feat becomes a problem since these sizes would contradict the real-life sizes of such objects. So then the question has to be asked - is the poop measured in microns or is the bacteria measured in inches? And that… I can't answer. Yeah, very unsatisfying I know but it's all up to interpretation. Sure, you could argue we should use microns as it would match up more with bacteria general sizes and portrayal within the Manga itself - but stuff like the poop, while stylized, is still meant to be fecal matter which in real life is between 4-8 inches in size. Not to mention the anus, which becomes a matter of changing the sizes defined by human biology altogether. It's a really hard dilemma with how accurate Cells at Work! normally likes to be when it comes down to sizes. Overall, we went with a low end-high end approach for the blog for you and members of the blog to use.
Verdict
Hey y'all, just one verdict this time since the blog members mostly had similar opinions on the MU. Let's start off with stats.
Stats
Now stats were the one thing that was really held in contention between the members. This was mainly due to the sizing issue discussed in Before the Verdict - but we can organize this by different possible stat ends instead.
On the low ends, we have the very low 0.00% of a Joule or M/S type calcs for Ozzy and U-1146 on speed and strength along with using the low ends of the sneeze droplet calc - as Ozzy survived being in the nose during a sneeze, and U-1146 is able to kill bacteria capable of the same. This should put both at around 6% of a Joule with this feat. However, Ozzy has an even better feat due to scaling to Thrax, who survived an explosion responsible for popping a zit. This gets Ozzy’s strength and durability up to 15.81% of a Joule, over twice as high as the low-ends of the sneeze. But even then, this is still slightly lower than U-1146 scaling to the Bifidum bacteria from Bacteria at Work! who can survive the excretion of diarrhea at 22% of a Joule. U-1146 should easily scale to this as White Blood Cells are shown to directly be able to kill Clostridium Perfringens bacteria, and C Perfringens and Bifidum are constantly fighting each other in the intestines in a never-ending turf war. In terms of speed, U-1146 should take the edge via scaling to White Blood Cells of Code: Black and Red Blood Cells. Scaling to the high ends of Red Blood Cells moving throughout the system gets up to 0.9144 M/S compared to Ozzy crossing rocks which gets 0.0000562969 M/S. This is a 199.975% difference in speed on the lowest end. At the same time, U-1146 holds about a 1.47x advantage over Osmosis Jones in terms of strength and durability, meaning U-1146 would have the edge in stats overall.
However, the lowest ends are just that, low balls. There are still 2 different high ends to consider.
High End 1: Osmosis Jones and U-1146 both scale to the high ends of sneeze droplet calc which gets 50% of a Joule. This is much lower than the potential scaling from the sneeze droplet calculations high ends for U-1146. But now, things are about to get interesting. In terms of speed, U-1146 should scale to the Clostridium Perfringens from Bacteria at Work! which can react to, intercept, and catch antibiotic arrows moving at 2.39 M/S. While impressive in its own right considering their size, this absolutely PALES in comparison to Ozzy’s best speed feat of moving in-tandem with brain lightning. This feat puts Ozzy’s maximum speed at a whopping 12.32 M/S, and even higher if you buy it as a reaction speed feat (although this is debatable). Using these high ends, we find the two matched in strength with Ozzy blitzing U-1146 at 6x faster than his best scalable feat.
But there is one more high-end to consider…
High End 2: At this high end, Ozzy’s speed and strength stay the same as we’ve reached his best feats by this point - but the same does not apply to U-1146. Scaling once again to the Bifidum and C Perfringens from Bacteria at Work!, U-1146 gets a massive boost in strength as an acetic acid beam from one Bifidum bacteria managed to cause an explosion which - scaling to the size of the anus which is pictured in-frame - is worth 2.835 Joules. But this doesn’t stop here - we see multiple C Perfringens survive an explosion which blew up the engine car of a fecal train, which represents one whole bowel movement. We know they survived, because we see the exact same specific characters show up later in the same chapter. This would also scale to AP as Bifidum are able to kill C Perfringens, and White Blood Cells scale to both. This brings U-1146 all the way up to 65 goddamn Joules from the feces train explosion (you’d actually feel something tap you if U-1146 punched you, and frankly that’s just wild). Needless to say, U-1146 is taking strength and durability at this end by a landslide - although Ozzy is still solidly 6x faster due to his in-tandem movement with brain lightning, which lets him run circles around his opponent in this scenario.
Whichever version of the High Ends you buy is your choice as some blog members leaned one way while others leaned another.
Abilities and Arsenal
To start, U-1146’s primary methods of damage are a bit unreliable here. While stabbing and slashing could likely work on Ozzy seeing as we know he can take regular damage, Ozzy can simply shift his body to avoid the attack, or just heal from it entirely due to his regeneration - which is showcased to be LEAGUES better than the healing factor that White Blood Cells from Cells at Work! are stated to have as we haven’t even seen them utilized during a fight. Ozzy can also heal thanks to vials he could potentially find around the body. With these two methods of healing combined, Ozzy’s regeneration capabilities are far superior to any potential healing given to U-1146. This amount of healing and shapeshifting would be effective against knives, katanas, the sword, and likely most other weapons - even the automatic rifles from Code: Black would likely do little against Ozzy’s healing.
But it’s not quite over yet, as U-1146 still has plenty of ways to get past Ozzy's regeneration. We see Ozzy survive splitting himself in half, sure, but he likely wouldn't be able to survive being blown up by a rocket or eaten alive. On that note, even if U-1146 doesn’t eat Ozzy entirely, eating even a piece of him can allow U-1146 to gain vital information about Ozzy. Both of these are options that U-1146 could quite easily use. The Hydrolysing Enzyme Spray is a bit more iffy as this requires U-1146 to get up close, and he would have to use it on a currently living opponent which would probably be a bit more difficult. Additionally, U-1146 has never showcased himself using the spray as an active weapon - however, it is still an option that would work and needs to be taken into account. The final important piece of U-1146’s arsenal is the riot shield. Normally, this would be nice to have when your opponent's main weapon is a gun - but when you're also likely slower and your opponent can likely stretch around it, it may be less effective. Especially when its use was mainly for surrounding an antigen and not as cover while attacking. Speaking of the gun, Ozzy's gun is his best tool in the matchup. His gun has shown to use three different kinds of shots - a concussive blast, a suction cup to trap opponents against surfaces, and most importantly, gastric acid.
We know for a fact that gastric acid is potent against the blood cells of Cell at Work!, as we have direct scans of White Blood Cells losing limbs and being killed due to the effects of gastric acid. While Ozzy would have to choose to use the gastric acid shots, specifically, due to its decently high ammo count it's an incredibly powerful tool to negate durability. The gun can even reflect certain ranged attacks which end up getting jammed inside of it, such as U-1146’s throwing knives. Although we COULD argue the possibility of Ozzy deflecting an RPG shot, it’s highly unlikely that it wouldn’t simply explode.
One ability available to both combatants is the ability to make any walls mean nothing, with Osmosis Jones being able to squish his body through small holes while U-1146 can open up cell walls and even phase through solid matter (which would negate anything the green blob shots from Ozzy do to pin U-1146) with Transmigration. However, nothing is as good for movement as Ozzy’s different vehicles. The car gives Ozzy a way to quickly move around the battlefield and be given assistance by Backseat, while the Jet Scooter has a decent offensive option in its laser shots and allows Ozzy to stay away from U-1146 thanks to its ability to fly. L-Selectin may be able to give some verticality to U-1146 via scaling walls, but this doesn’t come close to flight itself. Overall, U-1146 has ways around certain options from Ozzy and good ways to confirm a kill and even gain information - he’s even able to keep up with the mobility of Ozzy’s shape shifting due to Transmigration allowing him to ignore any barriers in his path and his L-Selectin allowing him to scale a building as easily as Ozzy can stretch over one. But despite all of this, Ozzy’s gastric acid to burn through defenses in conjunction with his shapeshifting, Jet Scooter, and healing to limit his opponent’s offensive options are likely to make this fight a nightmare for U-1146 if utilized correctly.
Tertiary Factors
Immediately, U-1146 is more skilled than Osmosis Jones. While Ozzy is skilled at CQC as it’s his primary form of combat, it’s likely nowhere near the same level as U-1146 and what we are shown from his training. This gap in skill would even open up another win condition for U-1146… just choking Ozzy out. Despite Ozzy’s regen and shape-shifting, he is often bound by restraints, and we’ve seen in the movie that he was completely powerless to stop Thrax from nearly choking him to death on a girl’s eyeball before he was saved due to the girl blinking. Additionally - while this likely wouldn’t come up - while Osmosis Jones is at risk of coagulating if outside of the body for too long… U-1146 would likely be completely fine outside of the body. We’ve seen other White Blood Cells fighting bacteria such as Staphylococcus Aureus and Trichophyton Fungi on the surface of the skin without issue. But don’t worry just yet, because Ozzy still holds a range advantage over U-1146 in the form of his gun and stretchy limbs. However, when discussing the gun there is an elephant in the room.
Osmosis Jones has really bad aim.
Yes… Ozzy isn't a good shot in the movie or all that much in the show, and he constantly loses his gun. However, only using those materials we wouldn't know Ozzy has an ammo count and using the GBA game which has this ammo limit also shows that Ozzy's aim has MASSIVELY IMPROVED. He can now actually hit his targets. However, he still doesn't have perfect aim and he does have an ammo count to be careful of - plus, this aim is exclusive to the game. Another flaw that doesn't help Ozzy is his arrogance. His Chris Rock hot shot energy can be easily exploited by smarter foes and get him into a bad spot, compared to U-1146 who is tricked maybe twice at most throughout every chapter of manga he has been in. However, U-1146 can occasionally lose himself in his lust to take out enemies so that it's not like he will always be level headed either. They also both have a certain fight style the other is less accustomed to. Ozzy is very crafty and knows how to think on his feet in regards to using bodily processes while U-1146 is usually bailed out by them - although this would likely apply less in a neutral territory as both would be fully aware of the specifics of how this body works, while normally their opponents are slightly less well-informed. Nevertheless, creativity is never a bad skill to have in a fight. Ozzy however has very little skill in terms of traditional stealth in comparison to U-1146. To summarize this category, both are very good at very different things but U-1146 is more traditionally skilled and intelligent while Ozzy has better ranged options and on the fly thinking.
Advantages and Disadvantages
Osmosis Jones
“You want Osmosis? You got Osmosis!”
Advantages:
Much faster using high ends
More creative in his fights
Gastric acid negates U-1146’s durability and can be used at a larger distance
Can reflect throwing knives
Physiology renders most of U-1146’s primary offensive options ineffective
Physiology and speed allow him to avoid fatal attacks with ease
Much better regeneration
Car and Jet Scooter increase mobility - the latter allows for an aerial advantage
Really good animation for the time
It's Chris Rock, and that's funny
Equal:
AP and Durability on middle ends
Knowledge of the body
Disadvantages:
Weaker on lowest end, and completely overwhelmed in strength and durability using the highest ends
Slower on lowest ends
Not as intelligent and less traditionally skilled
Overconfidence has gotten the best of him before
Durability negation requires Ozzy to actually be hitting his shots
Has not been shown to use his gun in CQC
Regeneration can be bypassed via being eaten, exploded, choked, or dissolved
Worse at moving through small spaces
Lost his girlfriend due to being sucked off by somebody else (a mosquito sucked him out of Frank’s body and ended up bringing him to Hector)
WHY DID BILL MURRAY EAT THE EGG IT'S SO GROSS! OZZY SHOULD HAVE LET FRANK DIE
Weak to slaps
U-1146
Advantages:
Takes the stat trinity on low ends
Stronger by a wide margin on the highest ends
More traditionally smarter and skilled, which could allow him to choke Ozzy out
Phagocytosis can get past regeneration and give vital information about Ozzy
RPG and Hydrolysing Enzyme Spray can kill Ozzy for good
Transmigration is a better ability when it comes to moving through small spaces and allows him to avoid being trapped
From a series where Bill Murray doesn't eat an egg
More accurate showcase of the human body
Equal:
Equal AP and Durability on middle ends
Knowledge of the body
Disadvantages:
Slower using high ends
Less creative
Can become bloodlusted, overtaking rational thought
Ozzy’s physiology makes sharp weapons incredibly hard to use and other weapons harder to hit with
Lacks answers to gastric acid durability negation
Far worse regeneration
Struggles to hit Ozzy's Jet Scooter
Bro’s main manga has fewer chapters than some of the spinoffs (Code Black killed Saul)
Code: Black exists
David Hyde Pierce is not his partner
Votes
Team Osmosis Jones: [6] (Tru, NRookie, Saul, Toasty, ππΌπΎπ»πͺ, Ultra27)
Team White Blood Cell: [0] (At least he didn't eat a floor egg…)
This was surprisingly close - while Ozzy’s healing and shape shifting seems like a major hurdle at first, U-1146 had quite a few ways to put him down for good; the RPG in particular was a good option as it functions as an area of effect attack from a range. This was especially true considering that if he manages to take a bite out of Ozzy, he’ll gain information on his opponent and know what he needs to do to take him out. They were mostly matched in mobility, although U-1146 surprisingly had the edge over Ozzy’s stretchy physiology due to his ability to stick to surfaces and his Transmigration allowing him to outright ignore walls and floors while Ozzy needed to put in effort and can’t always squeeze through a tight space. On the other hand, Ozzy’s vehicles were something U-1146 had no direct answer to - ESPECIALLY considering the Jet Scooter let Ozzy stay in the air. While the RPG or automatic rifle might work, this relied on them hitting in the first place. No matter what, Ozzy would have an easy answer to put down U-1146 regardless of everything: his gastric acid ammunition. But not only does his aim suck, but he has limited ammunition to boot, and he normally resorts to melee combat where he’s never been shown to use his gun. Not to mention he would need to realize that his other two ammo options won’t work. Then again, he could always just find more ammo, so was he really out of options? Ozzy is more creative and thinks on his feet, while U-1146 is more skilled, efficient, and overall intelligent. U-1146 has MORE weapons, but Ozzy’s weapons are more effective and arguably matter more.
In the end, this came down to stats. While the low-ends allow U-1146 to solidly take the victory, we need to consider EVERY possibility. And so, no matter which high-ends we decide to go with, one thing remains consistent: Ozzy is faster. In fact, he’s a full 6x faster than U-1146, meaning it would be nearly impossible for the Neutrophil to keep up. This is even more apparent when taking into account Ozzy’s ability to use his shapeshifting to avoid attacks entirely. While U-1146 would essentially be a juggernaut in comparison considering his potentially massive edge in AP and durability - enough so that he may even be able to splatter Ozzy entirely with a good hit - this simply didn’t matter if he couldn’t land that fatal blow. Meanwhile, Ozzy’s gastric acid would always remain a death sentence to U-1146. Sure, Ozzy’s aim is bad and he has limited ammo, but he can always find more ammo and he’s fast enough to where he can get away with it and he’ll have as many chances as he needs to coat his opponent in enough acid - and his Jet Scooter would make him even more unreachable by letting him stay in the air. U-1146 is more skilled and could potentially disarm Ozzy (who loses his gun A LOT), but this still didn’t matter if U-1146 wasn’t fast enough to pull it off. While Ozzy can be hot-headed and is more comfortable in melee combat, his speed and physiology would make sure that U-1146 would never land that blow. Furthermore, Ozzy’s not an idiot - if his attacks are doing nothing against U-1146, he’s bound to try something else. Factor in a dash of creativity from Ozzy’s end, and it looks like it’s curtains for U-1146.
While U-1146's strength, skill, unique arsenal, and powers helped him get his Neutrophil, Ozzy’s surprising speed, wacky physiology, acidic ammo, and vehicles gave him the win more often than not. Goes to show, you shouldn't cell Ozzy short.
The winner, is Osmosis Jones.
Thank You/Next Time
Another day, another blog. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog - everyone here put so much effort into this blog and I think the MU was super fun to tackle. It's now easily in my top 10 favorite MUs and is incredibly interesting to tackle with how close it ended up being. Thanks to everyone who was a part of this and read copious amounts of Cells at work!
And now for our next time(s). Starting off is our official next time…
Boros VS Battle Beast
Which of these two battle hungry warriors will meet their match? Find out next time on Media Mania. Or if you want to join, DM tru2678 or find me in your local VS Discord.
However… you voted, so we are also doing…
Soldier 76 VS Captain Rex
Which old soldier will complete the mission and take their target down? Find out next time on Media Mania or join the blog yourself and help us with Star Wars stats (they aren't that easy…)
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